can you buy anything in the cafeteria for less than $2? I spent the last of my laundry money on a chia pet
The usual. Woke up on a dog bed with peeps and $11.
I make your heart skip a beat like that pivotal moment when you open a public toilet lid
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
You ninja crawled over five sleeping guys to get in my room at 6 in the morning to wake me up for sex
...and I think that may just be my favorite moment in our fuckbuddyship
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Remember that whole "don't let me drink" thing? We should really start sticking to that.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
My feet surprised me
Upon further investigation my nipples are bruised and I have teeth marks all over.
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