i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
With sake I got over my irrational fear of seafood. Now I just fear sake.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
The baby slept soo good last night. Its like he knows the importance of me being intoxicated all weekend.
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Don't worry. I told him just because you've gargled some balls in the past doesn't mean you'll be handling his.
I really wanted that to be shared. Thank you.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
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