you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
Don't freak out about the couches in the driveway. We tried to unpack the uhaul drunk.
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
Totally uneven. One tiny pussy lip that almost didn't exist and one giant lip that unfurled liked 5 different times half way down her leg and could have been used to hoist the mainsail on a pirate ship.
just got home to find my brothers naked on the floor covered in chocolate. i am now nervous about sleeping in the same room as them
I am 95% sure I just heard my cat say "What are you doing home? It's Saturday night."
Last nights hook up turn into a star wars history lesson.. He's luck y he's pretty..
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
I wish he’d realize all I want is dick. He’s my boytoy. He’s a stunt cock. \n\nCome over, fuck me silly, eat some leftovers, fuck me again, then go back to the frat house
Why would I want a relationship when I’m the side dick for my boss and a few women from the gym
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
