dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
question: masturbation: how much is too much? I think i'm about to tip toe a fine line
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
How do I invite him to our 4th of July cookout without sounding too much like "hey you were my first orgasm and I want your dick inside my while watching fireworks"
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
Kate gave me a 3 day old cup of tequila last night and forced me to chug it. P.s. i drew u a picture
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
You popped the Plan B pill then clapped twice, said "mischief managed" and headed tward the bar.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
