hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
Well i just wrestled a cop... p.s. i won
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
i was actually impressed that she managed to throw up underwater while scuba diving
judging by my wet hair I would guess I showered at the bartenders apt last night?
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'm gonna give the beer pong table a viking pyre funeral at the bon fire.
I had to write an apology letter to my roomate for hotboxing in our bathroom. What a bitch.
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Randomize
