How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
I just saw a fat chick walking across campus talking to herself and licking her lips. Diet season is scary.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
every single one of us blacked out. we woke up the next morning and it was like the night never happened. IT'S STILL A MYSTERY
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
Let's have sex soon. Just us!! Its sad that I have to specify.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
Well the good news of being walked in on, my mom says your tits are pretty. Then she added that hers were like that once. Fml
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Thanks. I just smoked a bowl topless so I'm in heaven right now.
We have ur drink. Mom passed out in the bathroom. I'm goin to the other bathroom. Bs at the top of the stairs on way outside.
Randomize
