at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
You know you're at a low point when you're sucking vodka out if your hair.
Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
I felt like a personal hot pocket and all I could taste was cigarettes.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Why is everyone judging me for telling the cat a bedtime story?
It's 8 in the morning and you're doing coke and drinking margaritas. First, you have a problem. Second, why didn't you invite me?
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
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