It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
I woke up to 76 pages of e's, r's, d's, and f's from when I fell asleep for 3 hours on my laptop keyboard trying to write that paper.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
WHAT IS HAPPENING
A FLOCK OF DICKS IS MIGRATING TOWARDS US.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
even my drug dealer wished me a happy birthday before my mother did.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
Randomize
