Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
one of my coworkers is shitshow drunk, getting naked. she's about to ride the bull.
i was just going to ask if it would be cool for me to come and have a beer...
it's total chaos here. i may ride the bull... i'll be visible.
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Her parents walked in on us. So for my birthday they bought me a blow-up doll with their daughters face on it. I don't know what to think right now.
There is a hole in her door about 2 inch in diameter. You may see me on YouPorn
I don't care how sexy you think I look in my scrubs. Wanting a blow job is not a medical emergency.
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
