Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
pretend to be my girlfriend and sign me up for tool academy
She made me role-play everything from an older prof to a in-patient in need of a medical exam. Yay for cocaine.
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I asked him to get me another beer, and he started making muffins.
He tried to brush a hair off my cheek, but turns out it was just a freakishly long chin hair. So no, we didn't bang.
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