haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
If no ones going to say it, then I will. Vanessa Hudgens boobs are weird looking
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
she passed on me to fuck the foreign guy. is there a manlier, slightly less gay way of saying "always the bridesmaid, never the bride"?
nope.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I feel like drug tests are a little less "random" when you are employed by your father.
Where are you? We're in between the guy dressed as a giant inflatable penis and the Justin Bieber lookalike lesbians
Does the penis have a genital wart?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
