Jennifer and I just ate like 4 jello shots w/ a guy dressed as inspector gadget. We are still in the capital building btw
I love Texas.
i just had sex bonerless
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Welcome to texting with Mike. You're now leaving the sober section and headed to our insanely high bad decision making portion of mike. Enjoy the trip.
no, i remember trying to staple my nipples together. I just can't figure out where the hell stapler came from.
So I found "Fat chicks in saran wrap" in my search history.
That's all you talk about when you are wasted.
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
Randomize
