The fact that you think you peed off a roof shows you shouldn't have been on a roof.
The girl behind me in psych just tapped me on my shoulder to tell me there was a condom wrapper in my hood.
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
Cops busted the party. A kid dressed as a dinosaur tried to crawl out the bathroom window but his tail got stuck. It took 3 cops to pry him out.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
You know you have done too many drugs when you gum the sugar off your margarita without even thinking twice
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
we're in NC now and so far we've smoked a blunt in every state with the exception of Tennessee which we accidentally went to
saying, "have a good fall!" After fucking a virgin boy is good etiquette, right?
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
Randomize
