i'm lost and i look like a hooker
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
Peanut butter fills the cracks of my heart
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
Netflix, eggnog, and bed? Maybe some hand stuff?
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
Randomize
