I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
did you know you can prarie-dog a fart??
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
while cleaning my room, i've found many wonderful things. one of these is the card you gave me for my eighteenth birthday. it's a christmas card that says "i want to stick it in your sponger"
We uncovered another pile of vomit after you left. And i am not talking about the one in the vase
gave you a haircut while you slept. Please don't kill me.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm at a restaurant. I am NOT about to discuss my asshole over the phone.
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
Texting people and counting condoms..we have like fourteen. Goal for this week: use all of them
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
I just learned that I could drop out of school and spend the rest of my savings on a giraffe are you free this weekend
Randomize
