"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
so apparently telling her she could shit easier and therefore lose weight faster wasn't the best arguement for getting anal.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Bartender at the wedding asked if he was making my drinks too strong. I laughed at him.
So lets not base feelings on vagina tingles
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
Forced to cancel my booty call due to the snowpocalypse. This crosses the line.
So I had sex in the woods today. Anything else that happened today? Irrelevant. It was a GOOD day.
Ps. I'm slapping the bag. It's an emergency.
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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