Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
Just woke up to find myself cooking eggs on the imaginary stove in my room.
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
I can feel my moral fiber fraying.
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
I have a cat, a bottle of wine, and a Brazilian man. I need to catch you up on my life
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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