ok understand this, i didn't pay for your dinner bc you said i wasn't going to get a blowjob for at least a month... this isn't a mail-in rebate deal, you gotta pay upfront
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I'm two sheets to the sexual wind
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
I'm just trying to win a butt plug dude
Randomize
