i just saw a midget buying condoms and graham crackers. i wonder which was the impluse buy.
She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
seeing an 80 year old woman puke in the bushes changes everything...
that's spring break in florida for ya
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
No one would take shots with Caroline so she asked the bartender for like 20 jagerbombs and then shouted "JAGERBOMBS FOR HOMELESS ANIMALS BENEFIT" and everyone started doing them with her
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
It's gonna be one of those someone is getting divorced parties
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Long story short I shit on a sidewalk while walking with multiple people. Then sprinted around the streets of Tallahassee in only gym shorts as I tore my toga off and wore it as a cape.
Sorry about kicking you last night but you don’t mess with a girls margarita bucket. Ever
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