She's a black belt cougar in the 6th degree.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
please tell me if i'm home and in my bed
negative
come find me please
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
worse. her friends hid in the bathroom while she gave me head and then screamed surprise right as i was about to cum
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
As i lay in bed, clutching my face, i'm starting to believe your dick in my eye story.
i havent blinked in 235 seconds. now 247. now 258. 263. 267. 271. i also have been gifted with theability to both type and count and not blink. 293 so magical
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I have a cheeseburger in my purse and im going to fill her prescription for narcotics. Who thought i was responsible enough to sign her discharge papers?
Randomize
