Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
I have no idea how to attract men with my personality anymore. He can't see my tits via facebook chat
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
He had a tramp stamp of his own phone number. You can't tell me that isn't smart.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I need a hug and tequila
I'm sitting next to a milk crate full of tequila right now
This is why we need to live in the same city again
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Two months ago an unknown man was in my bed and now he is my boyfriend and he has 1.6 million in the bank and he buys me things because I only have $4.35 in my bank account
It could happen to you too!
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
First time a guy goes down on me and his dog had its head on my knee the whole time. I swear it was judging me.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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