He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
I woke up with a fake mustache stuck to my chest and I can't even hold down water.
Bitch, I been tryna reach you all day to talk to you about these Dorito tacos.
I'm okay. We got a prayer rug sent to us with the face of jesus on it. From Tulsa Oklahoma. Kinda weird.
I'm petting the cat while shitting. This is all I ever wanted
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
I needed to bring way more fireball to class to match this professors intensity
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
Randomize
