I took shrooms, thc and molly but its okay i'm surrounded by freaks
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
just caught a 10 year old kid staring at my dick next to me in the urinal. i just nodded to him and said yeah, mines bigger little dude. i gotta stop drinking in public....
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Also, last night I had a dream that I was in a victoria's secret fashion show and they made me wear a t-shirt over my lingerie. Spring dieting begins now.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I think the solution to your phobia is an open relationship with your dildo. about the same responsibility as a pet rock
MAN I GOT NO SLEEP AND HAD A BREAKFAST OF SKITTLES AND ASPIRIN. I'M LIVING THE LIFE.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
Buying the inflatable beer pong table for the pool was one of the best investments I've ever made
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
So! As of five minutes ago I've officially masturbated in every room in my apartment
Dude, I helped you move in yesterday...
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