I thought I was riding a bike, but I guess it was a vacuum cleaner
i think i gave myself a perma-hangover. or god just hates me.
Just puked in a mcdonalds cup while driving. Didn't even swerve.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
Pre-St Patricks Day Log: Threw up across a 14ft radius, this is why the irish dont drink tequila
Omg just woke up. 6am. random apartment. broad daylight. bunch of ppl doin coke around me. Theres a bridge nearby. I think my dentist is down the block. Oof.
Oh my god I peed in a park last night and then tried to set off fireworks with a group of middle-aged men
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
HELP! How do I get paint off the dog?
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
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