You never realize just how much you have to be thankful for until you almost shit yourself in a Target.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
You lit the bowl with a rolled up paper towel that you ignited on the stove.
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
VODKA 4LOKO BEER NOT IN THE CLEAR
if i'm ever face-down on the ground puking again, promise me you won't try to braid my hair?
But theres a keg here and me gusta
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
I'm sitting in the shotgun seat of my car on full recline trying to pretend everything is ok
Look I'm really hungover so let's try this again. In 5 mins you're gonna call me and tell me that you're on your way with xannies, iced coffee and a back rub
I discovered moonshine and fell in love.
Do you know how hard it is to have sex on an air matress while there are people sleeping in the same room?!?!?
Randomize
