This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
Serious questions. Who is that girl? Why is she wearing a tiara? And why does she keep asking about penis piercings?
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
I know the wedding is going to be a good time, I don't have to wear a bra with my dress
pretty sure I woke up to him jacking himself off IN MY BED
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
