how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Is it possible to hurt your vagina working out, because I think my Dumbass accomplished that... 😯😟😒😓
Do I even want to know?
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
Rain drop, shock top, drinking can't stop stop
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
I guess we coulda said a little less mature audience and a little more e for everyone.
I didn’t say it was classy, I said it was sexy
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