I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Bisexual people are plain selfish.
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
GUESS WHO GOT ABSOLUTELY WASTED LAST NIGHT AND SPENT AN HOUR RAMBLING ABOUT KRAFT DINNER, HOCKEY, AND THE LAST TEMPTATION OF CHRIST
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Sunday mornings are confusing. Like. I can't decide if I want to go for a run or start drinking
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
Randomize
