I think my vagina is haunted
my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
This summer isn't about fun. We have to train our livers to survive the next four years.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Defrosting my uncrustable with my laptop...Hungover dinner
It's 4/20. I'm not too worried about "healthy"
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Will you be doing the frenzied booty dance of passionate ownage on my penis tonight
Idk, but the girl in his story had really nice eyebrows and was singing The Climb. How about you CLIMB the fuck away from my man
FORGET THE EYEBROWS
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
