In a few years, 50 babies 50 states. Like it?
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
Lesson of the night- sweaty dick can get stuck to ice, and require medical attention.
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
After getting kicked out of the bar, you proceeded to McDonald's, ordered 30 nuggets, slammed them all back in 5 minutes and then stole 3 traffic cones...how you only got charged with drunk in public is beyond me.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Randomize
