I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
Weekend has begun hello red wine at 10am on a Wednesday
She was telling me which girls she thought I should fuck or not at the bar. Why can't all one night stands be that cool after?
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
When the shrooms kicked in we both simultaneously realized we were not the right puzzle piece for the dubstep puzzle.
We made eye contact and were like we are not welcome here, the ravers are onto us and we need to get the fuck out before we get shuffled upon
Its not that hard, just find a girl reading 50 shades of grey and point her my way
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
So guess who got away with telling their girlfriend she's insane multiple times in a Valentine's day card. Yup, this guy.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
Meanwhile I'm googling glory holes in Vegas
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
