Kenny Powers is just a normal guy with exceptional hair
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
The stripper was waving you to the stage, not up on the stage. That's why you got choked out.
He's a Shit stain on my heart
He just told me what he wants for his birthday. "a noise complaint" he also said he wants to be the cause of all the noise but he won't be the one making the noise.
This hurricane better not stop me from sitting on the stoop thurs & enjoying all the slutty costume walkofshamers
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
Found the cure to anxiety attacks.
An orgasm
Bowls and Harry Potter this morning. I guess work isn't so bad after all
Randomize
