OMG. Drunk.
I'm so glad you fill me in on these things.
Sorry. Must've been trying to twitter.
why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
Thursday nights need to stop happening to me.
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
You're asking your pregnant booty call to go to a funeral with you?
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
Had a dream we were competing for tomatos.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
