Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
The cab driver doesn't know where we can find an empire state building shaped dildo either!? What is wrong with NYC!?
Just went through campus. In the span of 2 min I saw 4 places I've had sex. And thats just down one street. Man do I miss college.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Just smoked pot with a guy who has apparently been living in the woods for over a month. He just walked out of the woods. This is not real life.
A guy in a banana suit just got the whole bus to participate in a call and response version of Bohemian Rhapsody. HERO
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
Oh, I also stabbed a guy Friday and he still asked me out
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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