dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Apparently I added "small children" to my likes on facebook. glad to know that's where my subconscious is at.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
I can't get away from Pickles they're either stuck in me, in my mouth, or I'm stuck in one. fuck my whole entire life.
Soup is not an acceptable meal before doing that many Jager bombs
Where the hell is he. I called him crying for weed and sex you would think that would signal some urgency.
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I think I just wrote a poem about your penis but it was totally unintentional.
Embrace your curves. Cuz we're too poor for a coke habit.
I'm making poor life decisions again. Tune in tomorrow to see how much I hate life.
The last thing I remember is goading each other into a vodka-chugging competition.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
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