Why would I want to inherit a sex machine used by my grandma?
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
I thought I was invisible, then some guy flashed his high beams at me and I realized my lights weren't on...not invisible.
Then, she put flavored warming oil on my dick and was amazed when something she bought FROM SPENCER'S almost burned my dick off.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
Is it bad that I'm using the photo I took for my fake ID as my linkedin profile pic?
You drank the pool water to get rid of your hiccups
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
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