Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
Turns out I'm like the Wayne Gretzky of hiding cum. Who knew?
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
i found her half dressed with her feet in the washer..she said it was sooo warm.
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
im just going to make a prayer circle of top ramen packets and cheap beer
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
There is a couple fucking in the outback bathroom and at first I thought it was sick but than I remembered my Outback fantasy with you and decided I can't pass judgements.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
Randomize
