my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
awesome recipe for disaster- bar hopping at the airport
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I am not one to point fingers but since it says your name "wuz here" next to the dick drawn on my stomach I am holding you personally responsible.
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Pretty sure I have a sex related back injury. I'm not sure if I should be proud or ashamed.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Randomize
