he was so high, he talked to my goldfish for an hour telling him the dangers of overfeeding.
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
She fell down no less than 4 times while we were at the club. One of which was while she was in the bathroom stall next to me.
My makeup looks extraordinary for nine tequila shots, running four blocks, falling asleep with my face in the toilet, and doing the walk of shame across campus in the rain. And to think I'm single.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I am stoned, not wearing a bra, and a woman. There is no way in fuck I am getting on a fucking bus.
Man I was just the closest I've ever been to crapping my pants.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
There better be alcohol at this child's birthday party. Seriously not trying to be entertained by a clown while I'm still sober.
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