that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
He's spent his last 3 years working at Urban Outfitters. No, I'm not sad I missed out on a life of mustaches, the dollar menu and shitty scarves.
got woken up at 7:30 by a drunk girl asking me where she was... apparently she slept on my futon
she was in a cheetah costume
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
I'm a bit offended I got no nudies back but it's whatever
They're in the mail. Snapchats too fast. I want the suspense.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
