i don't know whats more disturbing, that his dog drooled directly into my mouth or that i was too drunk and tired to do anything except let it be there.
I'm passing your future prison.
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I'm pricing out a roll of that wax butcher paper. We fuck too messy and I can't afford to wash them every afternoon.
Debating going to the grocery store with my vibrator still in, cause I can't stand the idea of it out. Lets do some risk/reward
Instead of more alcohol, I decided to drink tea. Lets slow clap it out for me
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
At some point i am going to say to you "i have this really bad idea! You in? " just go with it.
Randomize
