I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
going to class early so i have time to go on the moonbounce. this is why i go to art school.
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Pretty sure that's a used tampon hanging from the tree outside my window.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I couldn't do it. You can't break up after that many orgasms. It's physically impossible.
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
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