you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I've decided to sign up for a porn membership, but it's 10:30 and I'm going to wait an hour an a half because I don't want to waste a whole day of my month long membership. Fuck this economy.
She acts like you when your on meds
She acts like batman?
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
Im pretty sure it started going awry when I asked their mom "How much would it cost me to sleep with your daughters"
I saw you eating fruit and doing shots off people passed out
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Please never let me the drunk fat dancer in the bus girl
Handicvap rails on the toilet atre soooooo fuckin handy right nmow.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
Randomize
