I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Dont care what i do tnt just as long as i get to chug a beer in somebodys face
Typing up notes at the bar and doing shots with the bartender until close on a Wednesday. This is what my second year of law school has become.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Personally, I'm gonna be Sexy Dobby the House Elf.
The sex was so good I feel like I could run a triathlon, hit big at the casino, and defeat ISIS.
What type of bandaid should I use on my clit
I deserve this hangover.
They just made me take another shot and I found out the liquor store next to my brothers house has a petting zoo
Mind. Blown.
Randomize
