A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
Dude, I just saw a sixteen year old girl in a catholic school uniform buying a pregnancy test... With a coupon!
Christmas on farmville was waaaaay better than my actual Christmas.
My dealer, who also happens to be a male stripper, just invited me to watch him perform tonight. Boundaries buddy, boundaries.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Except if I'm having sex. In which case you're in the bed with us or out of the room. No halfsie participation.
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
Prob because you've thrown up alot. As long as its not like pure blood you're fine. Drink water.
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
I met her parents last night. Her dad smelled like weed and kept yelling "I HAVE ALLERGIES AHHH MY EYES ARE BURNING!" During dinner It had to be good weed he didn't even know he was yelling.
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
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