is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
I walked home with an awkward asain couple. There was a language barrier but I think we're friends now.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
You could at least care enough to fake an orgasm for me.
Randomize
