When he took off his pants i accidently shouted "that is one small wiener," and thats when he left
you'd think someone with a dick that small would take what he could get
hey I'm just gonna fall asleep in the bathroom at the library call me when you're done with class
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I think I may be stoned foreverrrrrrrrr. The earth has been around for a long time.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Honey you are a beautiful woman but I came over to eat your pizza and fuck your brother. And you're out of pizza.
I'm pretty sure even the managers want me to show up hungover my last day, it would be negligent and disrespectful to do otherwise
He started me on Celexa. I think I feel like Bjork. Is that normal?
Like... my feet feel like little octopuses, and they want to swim to the next room.
Randomize
