how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
I can't believe you're trying to guilt me into a blow j because a tornado made you homeless.
Is it working?
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
It's a drunk scavenger hunt.
Everything on the list counts for double points if done naked.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Had a dream I dropped the L word and immediately threatened to kill myself
You probably shouldn't be having nightmares about expressing affection
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
Randomize
