But I don't consider them one night stands. They're auditions.
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
There is no way that a naked man in your kitchen can be explained-away as a "misunderstanding."
"Shots" of grape juice. I fucking hate Utah soooo fucking much.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I had to steal sneakers from my man of the night. I dipped. But then realized I left my purse in his house. So I had to stash the shoes in some bushes and wait for him on the stoop. Then after he watches me leave, I run back and get the shoes cuz I didn't wanna be taking my hour long journey home through London at 3 pm in my six inch wedges and club dress
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
you were shouting "me peeing on him is the closest he'll EVER get to my vagina!"
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
