the the hell do you 'accidentaily" jizz on a shirt thats folded in a drawer?
I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
Ever since I discovered that youporn works on blackberry, my brickbreaker skills have gone to shit
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
u know how some weekends you just wanna go out and ruin a relationship? this is one of those weekends
It was all cool until he grabbed my vag and started screaming: THIS IS MINE.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
She was way too drunk so I dropped her off at her house and smoked a huge blunt with her mom.
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
Randomize
