I got raped by $2 you call it's. I'm still hammered. And mentoring high school kids. My life is a joke.
dude im shwasted, kabul is not the best place for this
No, he will live forever, like cockroaches and Jack Bauer.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
did that guy on the oscars really just tell me to text a dolphin?
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
You're talking to someone who was 80% serious about breaking into someone's house and leaving a cat there with our names in a heart tag on its collar
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